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Friday, June 16, 2006
Midlife Crises: How Many Can I Have?
Midlife Crises have been cursed and sneered at forever. But I've decided they're not necessarily a bad thing. Why? Let me try to explain.
I worked in a medical office for years after college before giving birth to my 3rd son, a special needs child. There were few day cares for special kids at the time, and I couldn't afford to be unemployed. So I becames a licensed home day care operator and did that for 7.5 years. Talk about a stressful job. Which led to my "first" midlife crisis in my early 30s when my last son started school.
I knew I couldn't return to the medical office and 12 hour days, nor could I continue with the day care--another 60 hour per week job. Both jobs took too much time away from my family and sapped every ounce of my energy. My relationships with my children and my marriage were starting to suffer. I searched for options and discovered that my rusty degree in American Studies wasn't going to get me far. I had to find another job--one that didn't require me to return to college for a second degree which I couldn't afford. This time I wanted to choose a career I LOVED and not one I "fell into" due to lack of money and desperation like the last 2. I searched my life, my interests and realized that romance novels were the one constant that had brought me joy since I was 11 or 12 years old.
That led to the midlife crisis 1. I decided to write romance novels. Before closing my day care doors I started writing in my "spare" time. Little did I know that I wouldn't find instant success with my first book (one that will never see daylight) or that the road to publication would be far bumpier than any path I'd traveled thus far. But creating those characters and stories was something I loved, so those pot holes --the ones big enough to consume a car-- didn't seem as troublesome.
We rearranged our finances and I took a part time job so I could write more. I was happier--despite the rejections--and my family benefited from my lowered stress and less witchy demeanor. It took 5 years to sell, but there were a number of joys along the way to keep me going.
So...my first midlife crisis resulted in me finding a fulfilling new career--one I had never considered prior to that "crisis" moment.
(And I refer to it as my "first crisis" because I had it early. I'm wondering if I get another.)
My husband's midlife crisis resulted in him needing speed. He bought a Jet Ski--the Aquaman version of a motorcycle. How could that be a positive thing, you ask? Because it was something he and the boys could share. He taught each of them to ride and, once they reached the appropriate age, to drive it. They took the safety courses together. They still spend entire days together on the lake doing the male bonding thing. In fact, hubby even bought a tiny grill and learned to cook lakeside. He loves it. The kids love it. Now even the dog goes along. Everybody has a great time.
I realize there are bad midlife crises that devastate families, but they don't all have to be negative or selfish or destructive. A "midlife crisis" is a chance to reexamine your life, to discover what's important, what brings you joy, and to work toward making that happen.
Who says we should only reevaluate once? Maybe this is something we should do more often, and if we did maybe we wouldn't reach the "crisis" stage before taking action.
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The week has blown by. Thanks for letting me visit and please continue to post comments. I'll stop by to reply.
I hope you'll visit my web page www.EmilieRose.com and check out the picture of my boys (taken the day my youngest decided he wasn't part of our family), and my books. I have 3 coming out this summer to entertain you.
Enjoy!
posted by Emilie Rose at 4:24 AM
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3 Comments:
Candy Halliday said...
Em:
Great topics for your spotlight this week!
Just popping over to say how thankful I am your second midlife crisis led you to writing. Not only for your fabulous reads, but if you were still running a day care, who would hold my hand through every book? :)
Candy,
selfish this morning
6:42 AM
Playground Monitor said...
Wonderful insight on midlife crisis, Emilie. I guess I'd never thought of my writing as one, but I suppose it is. Of course, my hubby has had one a year since he turned 50, but they've not been destructive. When I see other women's husbands buying red convertibles and abandoning them for a younger blonde, I feel blessed that all my husband did was join a gym, get an RV (which we sold when we got the spot at the campground) and buy a motorcycle. Oh yeah -- and we bought a new house last year. I got my own office out of that deal.
I've read the first Trust Fund book and can't wait for life to settle down a bit so I can get back into reading and read the next.
Marilyn
7:04 AM
Charlene Sands said...
Emilie,
Thanks for a wonderful week of blogging! You topics were great. And I guess I never thought of a midlife crisis as being a good thing, usually we hear of the bad ones, so thanks for a new perspective. I guess I had one too then, because after my kids were in junior high school and didn't need me so much, I felt something was missing in my life... I'd been pondering it for years. And that's what brought me to writing romances. It took me well into my adulthood to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up!
7:41 AM
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