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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Where are you, Mary Jo Zotter?
Just this morning, I had the opportunity to teach my daughter what I call the "Mary Jo Zotter Theory of Life." I think I'll share it with you.
My little one is in third grade and evidently this is when the early signs of female competitiveness, jealousy and one-ups-manship begin. (Sometimes they never end: has anyone watched The Bachelor? It is a virtual study in human sociology.) I attempted to teach my daughter a lesson that it took me years to learn: no matter what you have, do, are, wear or accomplish, someone will have, do, wear or accomplish something better. You cannot judge your own worth by weighing it against what others have or you will go flippin' crazy. To illustrate this, I told her about Mary Jo Zotter.
Many (don't ask how) years ago, in elementary school and then in high school, I had a classmate by the name of Mary Jo Zotter. She had long blonde (natural, naturally) hair, as straight as the times dictated was cool. She had a perfect figure, a blinding smile, a razor sharp brain, an adorable boyfriend (the very one I wanted!), flawless skin and, yes, she shook her pom-poms on a cheerleading squad that cut me loose in the first tryouts. Mary Jo, I am convinced, was put into my life as a test of my self-worth and to help me learn that I must compete with myself, not with others. I have no idea where Mary Jo is today, but I have no doubt that her house is huge and well-appointed, her kids are model students, her husband is fabulously successful, her boobs are sky high and her closet is full of designer clothes. No doubt she feeds the poor, reads to the blind and has a PhD or two hanging on her wall. But, I told my little angel as I tucked her into my side and kissed her (dishwater) blonde head, I am not competing with Mary Jo anymore. I know what I have and I appreciate the many gifts in my life, and my daughter would do well to learn this lesson earlier than I did.
Shortly after this Hallmark Moment of Motherhood passed, I logged on to my email and witnessed a professional gaffe made by a colleague in which one writer publicly (albeit accidentally!) insulted another writer. The font might as well have been pea green because that was obviously the color of the writer's petty jealousies of another's success. The situation was embarrassing, painful and so powerful in its teaching. Here we are, how many years later, and still we compete and gossip and hate and envy. What a waste of our lives and talent. What a sad, stupid thing. Did no one ever teach this woman the Mary Jo Zotter Theory of Life?
True, I live and work in the highly competitive field of romance writing, populated by ambitious, smart, talented, creative, clever and focused women who are vying for far fewer slots and far more readers than there are to go around. I had to remind myself of the lesson I tried to teach my daughter: no matter how much I "succeed" -- there will be a Mary Jo Zotter who has a better contract, a bigger fanbase, a cooler cover, a faboo agent. But I'm not competing with her...I'm competing with me. In fact, I'm not competing at all. We are in this thing together.
And that made me think about where Mary Jo is today. Does she have moments of self-doubt, unobtained goals, unrealized hopes and dreams? Or does she celebrate the incredible gifts she's been given? I hope she does.
So, Mary Jo, if you're out there, write to me: roxannestc@aol.com. I bet we'll like each other. In fact, our friendship is many years overdue.
xoxo
Rocki
www.roxannestclaire.com
posted by Roxanne St. Claire at 6:05 AM
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1 Comments:
Marilyn said...
*stands and applauds*
What sage words. This is a post we can all learn from.
:-)
4:22 PM
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